Sickness and Waste

It only took a three and a half months but I got a cold. Dealing with dumb people makes being sick so much worse and unfortunately they seemed to line up to see me today. It’s been a rather long day. So I thought what better to do than to get paid an inordinate amount of money to write a blog post. This is the closest that I will ever get to being paid to write, so why not?

Last night it rained here for the first time since I have been here. It is the first day that I have had with “different” weather. It was a light sprinkling but it lasted for a few hours. If I hadn’t felt like I had just been hit by a truck, I would have gotten up and enjoyed it. Seeing clouds in the sky was almost foreign but it was a nice change.

Yesterday I was on the way to chow with Eric and we saw a truck that had backed up too much and the back axle and tires fell into one of the lovely Marine made ditches that we have all over base. It was slightly humorous. There were a bunch of TCNs and Brits that stopped to take pictures. I felt bad for the guy but I chuckled all the same.

Trying to find something to do with waste is an enormous issue for the deployed folks over here and there is a variety of solutions that have been implemented. In Kandahar (east of me and in the heart of the terrorists), also called KAF for Kandahar Air Field, they have what’s called a “poo pond.” It is just that. A pond filled with human waste. It even has a fountain in it to serve as an attempt to circulate things and encourage evaporation and decomposition. I have never smelt something as awful as the air is at KAF.

I support more units than I can list (30+) and quite a few of them are on outlying bases (also called FOBs which means forward operating base). Most of the FOBs are very basic in nature and rarely have any decent accommodations. For this reason, the use of “wag bags” is wide spread. It doesn’t take a genius to know what a wag bag is. They generally come with the actual back that is used for a container and a wet one in the event that wiping is needed. On occasion these are thrown at the enemy but of course that is not endorsed by DOD and merely uttering the allegation can cause enough issues, but I find humor in it. Wag bags are always a high demand item mostly because the alternative is to dig a hole and pop a squat. That doesn’t sound very appealing either.

Here at Leatherneck we have the port-a-potties. These are some of the most heinous things you could ever imagine. I won’t even get into exactly why they are heinous. Most of them are cleaned out daily and sprayed down with a power washer. If you go in to use one right after it has been sprayed down, it feels like you are popping a squat in a rainforest…or at least I would imagine it would be like that. Now Leatherneck does not have their version of a poo pond. When the base first started, they would dig trenches and it would all flow off base and the local farmers loved it because it was the best fertilizer they have ever had. Well eventually the Marines stopped doing that and angered the locals. Instead, we have grey water and black water.

Grey water is the water that is drained from showers and sinks. Black water is what is taken from the port-a-potties. Black water is taken off site and disposed of in ways and places that I don’t even want to know about. In Iraq they would burn it in the burn pits but in Iraq, they burned everything. Wait a few years for those health related lawsuits to roll in. Grey water though serves a purpose on base. Grey water is continuously spread on all of the streets here and then steam rolled. This is done so that the roads can stay concrete hard (even though they are dirt) and it keeps the dust to a minimum. What disturbs me about this is, how confident are you in a bunch of Marines (and guys in general) not peeing in the shower? I am not at all.

So basically we spread pee and spit all around the base in an effort to control dust and sand. It is amazing that I haven’t been sick long before now.

Ryan's Rant

Before you read this, you should know that this post is filled with incessant complaining.

Working for a Department of Defense agency means that you have a military hierarchical structure. For example, I am a GS-11 (general schedule). There are 15 levels to this system. DOD equates my grade as to the equivalent to a Major which is mid management for officers. The military is well versed in civilian ranks and most are aware that we have a lot of pull in their world. Even though I am a civilian, an Army Brigadier General (1 star) runs my base and a Vice Admiral runs my agency (3 stars). This is so that military can talk to military for large scale planning and organization which then is filtered down to us civilians. If I were to do something insanely stupid, it can make its way all the way up my chain. With that being said, the military places a large emphasis on following the chain of command without skipping levels.

Occasionally you run into people who forget where their place is. This happened yesterday with a 1st Lieutenant (O-2….which is much lower on the totem pole than I). This officer felt the need to send an e-mail regarding my workload to anyone who is important in DLA and the USMC, including my General. Now, this is bad regardless of the truth or intent. What is worse is that I was given no warning regarding this e-mail or even a conversation regarding the topic of discussion. If something of that nature had occurred then I would have been able to brief this Lieutenant that I had already taken care of it and further visibility was unnecessary.

As soon as I received the e-mail, I went to go see the Lieutenant and I provided an update as to what the real situation was. I asked him why he sent that all the way up my chain of command and unfortunately for him, the Lieutenant did not have a good answer. I don’t like to pull rank on people because it is something that should rarely have to be done. This is the first time out here that I pulled rank on someone. It didn’t go well. More on that conversation in a little while.

After my conversation, I immediately sent out a follow up e-mail advising everyone of the current situation and that it was under control and that I had made significant progress on all the issues with a final resolution only days away. Fast forward to this morning and I come into my office to find several e-mails on the topic from all levels of DLA and Marine Corps. Let’s just say it has been a difficult to sit down all day because I don’t think I have much of a rear end left after the chewing that I got. They say that misery loves company right? Well I spread the misery all around today.

One of the e-mails that were sent to me was from a DLA employee who had the tenacity to suggest that I was not doing my job and they were getting the e-mail so that they could correct it. Now this individual is a GS-11 and has absolutely nothing to do with the work that I do out here. This individual is also not in my chain of command. He suggested that I attend a weekly meeting that has absolutely zero value for me or the units that I support. My boss and my bosses’ boss agreed with him without even knowing how this meeting would impact me or the 26 Marine units that I support.

For the first time in my professional life, I tore into two individuals because quite frankly they didn’t know their head from their ass and I thought it was important that they know. I have never made a scene like that because I like to stay professional and level headed. Once you lose your composure it is way too easy to take it further than is required. I like rules and when an individual blatantly disregards them and I have to feel the effects, then I am not a nice person.

Several years from now when classified documents from Operation Enduring Freedom are made public there will be two documents detailing the ass chewing’s that I gave an officer and a DLA employee. I hope that they make all names public too. None of that redacted crap that the government loves to put out.

Sadly, even though I cleared my name with reference to my work load and my ability to get the job done here in Afghanistan, I now have more oversight and another meeting to attend weekly. All of this as a result of someone not following well established policy and protocol. What these two individuals did not realize when they started this chain of events, I have a direct ability to make their lives horrible while I am deployed. Deployed personnel get an incredible amount of visibility and power. Anyone who knows me will tell you that not only will I make their lives horrible but I will get a sadistic pleasure out of it.

Since I have been in Afghanistan I have gotten virtually no support from DLA, only headaches. For example, I will e-mail people within my organization about important issues and I will be ignored, yelled at or responded to literally weeks later. Our philosophy on being here to support the warfighter goes right out the window. It is absolutely amazing that they still find people who are willing to deploy for them. I think my days are limited as a DLA deployer. They may not let me deploy again :)

Ryan’s rant is now over. Have a nice day.

Living at the Gym

Life at Leatherneck does not have much to offer besides work. Most other bases have MWR facilities (Morale, Recreation and Welfare…think pool table, ping pong, etc…) but not here with the Marines. I sit in front of a computer all day and we have a huge TV in our office. After I get back to the tent, I am pretty much tired of computers and movies. That doesn’t mean I don’t watch more movies but it gets old on occasion. So I have basically lived in the gym since I have been here. I am surprised that I don’t have a cot in the back that I can just crash on when I am done working out. I have oscillated between two a days and just one intense session. The result is that I know the TCNs that work in the gym better than I have ever wanted and I have already hit my goal weight that I set before I left.

My wife has never known me at my current weight and I still have plenty of time to improve upon it. Most people would be happy with hitting their goal but not me. I hit my goal and then revised my goal so I still have 15 more pounds to go. Thankfully I have 3 months to hit that goal and by that time I will have probably revised it yet again. My uniforms didn’t fit me so I had to get more sent out. That was a much more painful process than I ever had anticipated but dealing with the government is never easy. I finally got my blouses in and I just got my name tapes sewed on them. If only the trousers would come in too. Let’s just say that when I loosen my belt, they fall off.

I am on a first name basis with the TCNs in the gym and I don’t even have to show my ID anymore. I have successfully converted two of them into fans of the University of North Carolina. One of the shirts that I wear to workout is a UNC shirt (surprise, surprise) and one day a TCN stopped me and was struggling to say, “Michael Jordan?” That started a dialogue that persists every time I walk in the gym. Occasionally I will print out stuff for them to read or pictures they can hang up. They understand about half of it but I will take what I can get.

On the bright side I feel almost comfortable enough around the gym TCNs that I don’t always feel the need to be armed. Watch a movie and pay attention when the good guy/bad guy gets caught and he has to drop all of his weapons. That is basically me and everyone else over here. At any given time I have between two to four implements on my person that can cause serious bodily harm with minimal effort. No I am not talking about the guns that I call muscles. I’ll give you a break for laughter. Anyways, keep in mind that most of the TCNs here wouldn’t hesitate to cause me or any other American bodily harm if they had the chance. I wish that was just a generalization but it isn’t, it’s reality. They call us sir and ma’am because they have to, not because they want to. The looks that TCNs give us say everything. As a result, I stay armed all the time.

The Navy Chief that has been giving me fits since I got here finally moved out of the tent. He made life difficult for everyone in our tent and we basically ignored him so much that he left. An effective technique if I do say so myself. The night he moved out, the mood noticeably improved in the tent. I haven’t sleep that good since I have been here. I am not too sure what it is about the Navy folks here but they are generally miserable and they make life difficult for everyone else. The medical personnel here are Navy, some logistics personnel here are Navy and the Seabees are Navy as well. Maybe they just miss the ocean and hate the desert but whatever it is, I am glad that Chief is gone. Thrilled actually.

Malaria Dreams

Since I am deployed to Afghanistan, I have to take malaria pills which basically give my immune system a jump on malaria in the event that I would get it. I heard a lot of horrific things about these meds before I left. Things like they give you nightmares, they will make you go slightly insane, they will destroy your liver, etc… Not exactly the things you want to hear before you start taking a drug. It was like having the doctor read to me the fine print at the bottom of drug commercials. I had two options, a weekly pill or a daily pill. I chose the daily because I was told that the side effects are less severe and the only drawback is that you have to take them every day. Well I have a small pharmacy with me that I have to tap into everyday so it wasn’t a big deal to add an extra pill.

One of the benefits to taking my malaria pills is that they help your complexion. I am not talking a little help. I have had one zit since I left and that was when I first got here. My skin has been absolutely amazing. If there weren’t other side effects, I would ask for a prescription for it when I get back.

I have no idea if the pills are wreaking havoc on my liver but I will find out when I get home, from both my own physician and the government paid one. Not that I don’t trust the government but I like to be extra careful.

I am pretty sure I haven’t lost it yet but if everyone is taking them over here, then we all may just be crazy together, who knows?

They definitely have had an effect on my dreams though. Not nightmares per se but they have been much more vivid and I remember them just about every night. That is extremely odd for me because I generally don’t remember them. The common thread that I have noticed is called day residue (here is where my generally worthless BA in psychology pays off). Just about everyone has something to do with what I was doing right before I went to bed. Generally I am watching a movie or a TV show on my laptop. This can be both humorous and slightly twisted. Some examples are below.

One night I watched Back to the Future. That night, I had a dream that I was Marty McFly and my grandfather was Doc Brown. What is even odder is that as a kid I thought this could really happen. I mean my grandfather is one of the most intelligent people I know and I was sure he was working up a design for a flux capacitor in his spare time.

For about a month I watched the TV series Bones and I had some pretty jacked up dreams. Not scary like a nightmare but interesting. If you have ever watched the show then you will know that it generally deals with decomposing bodies. It was like I was a detective.

I just finished the TV series Scrubs. That was humorous. Imagine having dreams for a couple of weeks that actually make you chuckle in your sleep. Yes, I can now say that I have woken myself up laughing.

If I only had a season of 24 out here because then the insurgents would be in some real trouble :)

A common thread throughout all of it is that my mood the next day is definitely impacted to varying degrees based off my dreams or at least my quality of sleep. I think I am going to stick with dumb comedy from now on. Maybe I am going slightly crazy.