Speech Therapist

The Marine Corps is badly in need of a speech therapist.

You must wonder why I would mention it. The title Sergeant is widely used in the Marine Corps and the Army for enlisted members. In the civilian, world people will commonly abbreviate it as Sarge. This is a big faux pa in the military and a huge sign of disrespect. I could handle that part.

The part that I find absurd is that no one actually annunciates the word sergeant. In the Marine Corps you have Sergeant, Staff Sergeant, Gunnery Sergeant, Master Sergeant and Master Gunnery Sergeant. That means that there is a large portion of Marines that have these titles and there is an even larger number of subordinates that are required to address them by their rank. It is not only accepted but it is encouraged. For instance, Master Sergeant is commonly referenced by uttering “Ma Sagent.” That is enough to drive someone insane if heard enough.

I was informed today that one of the officers that I work with was briefing the Commanding General of Leatherneck and somehow my area of operations came up and then my name came up. While I am flattered that the CG knows who I am, I could also do without the high visibility with important people. There is way too much of my job that is outside of my control so if I look good or bad depends on a lot of other people and that is a lot of variation for a high visibility profile.

I finally got WIFI access on base and the signal is about as useful as a box of rocks. I also have boxes of rocks if you like those. The problem is that there is so much metal on base that it interferes with the signal. We have barriers all over base that are called T-Walls. They are just like medians in the middle of the freeway but much bigger. They are between 8 and 16 feet tall. These T-Walls have metal lining the inside of them to give them stability (they are supposed to help people survive explosives detonating in close proximity). With that being said, I still have found a couple of spots on base that I can get a signal but they are nowhere close.

Before I came to Leatherneck I thought I didn’t have modesty. I mean I am the sort who will freely moon anyone that comes by, will break a bed with his mother-in-law and has no filter when speaking. Leatherneck has shown me just how modest I am. Guys here will walk around naked without a thought in the world. For a military that has a don’t ask, don’t tell policy…you just have to wonder.

Most people here use chewing tobacco which on the nastiness scale is right above being a mortician. There are spit bottles everywhere and it is slightly amusing when the Marines grab the wrong bottle. Disgusting yes, amusing definitely.

Since I have been here I have walked in on Marines literally measuring their muscles and wrestling just to see who can take the other one down but I have learned something about Marines. Marines fall into two different categories, grunt and POGs. Grunts are the Marines that fit the stereotype of Jarhead or whatever other nomenclature that you would like to ascribe to them. POGs are “people other than grunts” which is basically everyone who provides support services and administrative functions for the grunts. I work with POGs but we get grunts that come in everyday and it is our goal to screw with them to see just how many lights are on upstairs. Today we had a grunt going on for 10 solid minutes before we had to give in and tell him that we were just messing with him. There is a benefit to everyone carrying a weapon around here because no one wants to be the first one to use it.

See the 2nd amendment is a good thing, just ask the locals.