Real AAR

The Department of Defense places a lot of emphasis on completing a Lesson's Learned After Action Report after doing just about anything. Seriously, you could clear a jam in a printer and write one of these things. Since I am nearing the end of my deployment I thought I would write my unofficial AAR. Not to mention that I am traveling and there is only so much time you can spend waiting on planes and staring at a wall.

If you ever want to get the attention of an officer, call them by their first name. Make sure that you address them by their proper rank before leaving as it shows that you were trying to make a point and you still respect them and their place within the Marine Corps. This is extremely effective up until you hit the rank of a Colonel and then it is just disrespectful.

If you ever want to really get under the skin of a Marine, don't wear a hat and walk around with your hands in your pockets. Marines are way too big on tradition and order and the butterfly effect is very noticeable with this group. Starting a trend with Marines is almost as easy as starting a cult. Yeah I think I can do that as well.

Never have a gangster/mob movie marathon over a weekend. All to often you will start to think that you can re-enact the scenes and you have great props laying all around you. Oh wait, those aren't props. They are loaded weapons. This is an accident waiting to happen. Hey, we lived to tell the stories so it couldn't have been that bad....right.

When speaking with a Brit it is completely inappropriate to giggle as they talk. Apparently if you have no idea what they are saying, giggling is rude but having a blank and lost look on your face is appropriate. Aussies are also humorous to talk with but Brits are definitely the funniest. You would think that understanding them is not very difficult given that we all speak English. WRONG! It is very difficult but I am definitely better at it now than I was when I first got here.

There are no attractive British women serving at Camp Bastion. If I hadn't seen or met Brits that were attractive then I would think that they just didn't exist but I assure you they do. That is why if you are ever in Afghanistan, you should visit Kandahar Air Field because there is much better scenery.

If it smells bad, start walking in the other direction. After almost 6 months experience, there is nothing ever positive to following a horrendous smell.

Sex is everywhere on this base. It is definitely against the rules but if they really didn't want it to happen then they would sell so many items in the PX to facilitate the process. By the way, they are always sold out of these products so you have to stay on the ball if you want them.

Warning: this following is extremely sexist even if it can apply both ways. Deployment goggles are a real thing. This can also be referred to at the 3 point boost that women get out here. For example, I used to have a scale of yes or no...you know what I am talking about. There is really no need to have a 10 point scale if it really just boils down to would you or wouldn't you. Out here the 10 point scale is in full effect. If a woman is a 5 back home, she is an 8 out here. It doesn't matter how much you think you love your spouse, this is a very real thing and definitively sets in by month 3. On the flip side, ugly is still ugly. Oh yeah, I am still very much married and faithful and extremely thankful for it.

When an officer has no idea what you are saying you can make up anything and tell them. If you use big enough words then you can call them a moron to their face and they won't know it. Military officers rarely are experts in the area that they manage. This means that rather than beat yourself up over how to tell them that you are right and explain why, just make stuff up. They really don't care anyway. This really sets in by meeting 3 with someone. It sounds callous but it will save you a lot of headaches.

Cigars do not taste nearly as good without some sort of liquid facilitator. That doesn't mean I just ignored all the lovely Cuban's around me. I just wasn't used to it.

The more definition a guy has on his muscles, the small amount of weight he lifts. The converse is true as well. If I guy looks big, he lifts large quantities. Marines don't like to admit it but they don't need all the heavy weights. Most times all of the small weights are being used and everything 50 lbs + is left. That is where I started :)

DLA likes to forget those who are deployed. It is one of those things that surprised me but it is true. That is why I have appreciated and do appreciate everything that those of you have done for Jess, Brooklyn and me.

Soon enough I will be home and I can tell you all of the very inappropriate things that I shouldn't put in writing.