Real AAR

The Department of Defense places a lot of emphasis on completing a Lesson's Learned After Action Report after doing just about anything. Seriously, you could clear a jam in a printer and write one of these things. Since I am nearing the end of my deployment I thought I would write my unofficial AAR. Not to mention that I am traveling and there is only so much time you can spend waiting on planes and staring at a wall.

If you ever want to get the attention of an officer, call them by their first name. Make sure that you address them by their proper rank before leaving as it shows that you were trying to make a point and you still respect them and their place within the Marine Corps. This is extremely effective up until you hit the rank of a Colonel and then it is just disrespectful.

If you ever want to really get under the skin of a Marine, don't wear a hat and walk around with your hands in your pockets. Marines are way too big on tradition and order and the butterfly effect is very noticeable with this group. Starting a trend with Marines is almost as easy as starting a cult. Yeah I think I can do that as well.

Never have a gangster/mob movie marathon over a weekend. All to often you will start to think that you can re-enact the scenes and you have great props laying all around you. Oh wait, those aren't props. They are loaded weapons. This is an accident waiting to happen. Hey, we lived to tell the stories so it couldn't have been that bad....right.

When speaking with a Brit it is completely inappropriate to giggle as they talk. Apparently if you have no idea what they are saying, giggling is rude but having a blank and lost look on your face is appropriate. Aussies are also humorous to talk with but Brits are definitely the funniest. You would think that understanding them is not very difficult given that we all speak English. WRONG! It is very difficult but I am definitely better at it now than I was when I first got here.

There are no attractive British women serving at Camp Bastion. If I hadn't seen or met Brits that were attractive then I would think that they just didn't exist but I assure you they do. That is why if you are ever in Afghanistan, you should visit Kandahar Air Field because there is much better scenery.

If it smells bad, start walking in the other direction. After almost 6 months experience, there is nothing ever positive to following a horrendous smell.

Sex is everywhere on this base. It is definitely against the rules but if they really didn't want it to happen then they would sell so many items in the PX to facilitate the process. By the way, they are always sold out of these products so you have to stay on the ball if you want them.

Warning: this following is extremely sexist even if it can apply both ways. Deployment goggles are a real thing. This can also be referred to at the 3 point boost that women get out here. For example, I used to have a scale of yes or no...you know what I am talking about. There is really no need to have a 10 point scale if it really just boils down to would you or wouldn't you. Out here the 10 point scale is in full effect. If a woman is a 5 back home, she is an 8 out here. It doesn't matter how much you think you love your spouse, this is a very real thing and definitively sets in by month 3. On the flip side, ugly is still ugly. Oh yeah, I am still very much married and faithful and extremely thankful for it.

When an officer has no idea what you are saying you can make up anything and tell them. If you use big enough words then you can call them a moron to their face and they won't know it. Military officers rarely are experts in the area that they manage. This means that rather than beat yourself up over how to tell them that you are right and explain why, just make stuff up. They really don't care anyway. This really sets in by meeting 3 with someone. It sounds callous but it will save you a lot of headaches.

Cigars do not taste nearly as good without some sort of liquid facilitator. That doesn't mean I just ignored all the lovely Cuban's around me. I just wasn't used to it.

The more definition a guy has on his muscles, the small amount of weight he lifts. The converse is true as well. If I guy looks big, he lifts large quantities. Marines don't like to admit it but they don't need all the heavy weights. Most times all of the small weights are being used and everything 50 lbs + is left. That is where I started :)

DLA likes to forget those who are deployed. It is one of those things that surprised me but it is true. That is why I have appreciated and do appreciate everything that those of you have done for Jess, Brooklyn and me.

Soon enough I will be home and I can tell you all of the very inappropriate things that I shouldn't put in writing.

New Digs

Life here is steadily improving. Our work building is complete and we moved in so now I don’t have everyone in my office right behind me looking at what I am doing. Soon enough we will have real office furniture too but until then we will have to use our desks that double as flip cup tables.

After 5 weeks of living out in the open, I now have my own living space that is sectioned off from the rest of the tent. It is amazing that spending $20 with AAFES will give you enough material to complete enclose a living space and a rug. I would love to know what their profit margins are.

Before I deployed, I actually felt sympathy for active duty military members because they do not get paid very much. Then I learned about all the extras that they are provided with. They have one sweet deal. You won’t get rich but you are definitely not poor. I have been shocked to find out how many of these Marines spend an inordinate amount of money on cars. The vast majority of them drive brand new cars. Now we are not talking about a Chevy or Ford. They have BMWs, Lexus’, Cadillac, Lincoln, etc… On a side note, they also all rent houses or apartments and don’t really have a savings to speak of. I tried to explain that when they buy a nice car like that and then spend an additional 10 to 15 thousand dollars on it in upgrades and add-on’s, they are literally throwing money away. That advice fell on deaf ears.

We were close to having a sandstorm all week. I woke up each morning and made my way over to the head and it was a bit nippy outside and it looked like there was fog everywhere. The fog was really sand blowing everywhere. Unfortunately the wind never kicked up enough to cause a sandstorm but visibility has been down to about 50 yards all week.

I have known for quite some time that I am a difficult person to live with (ask Jess, Chris, Brad and Andy) but I think I have tried to always be courteous. One of the individuals in my tent is less than courteous and I felt the need to tell him that. Now this individual is a Navy Chief and he has 26 years in the Navy. Basically he is middle management and he is kind of bitter about it because he is at the end of his career. Now Chief thought it would be a good idea to put his hands on my stuff and move it without my knowledge. Anyone who knows me would know that this is not a good idea. Chief dodged me for the better part of a day and then finally I found him. Chief tried to tell me how he was right and I was wrong but rather quickly into the conversation I unleashed on him. Needless to say, he hasn’t talked to me since that conversation, he hasn’t touched anything that is mine and he conceded that he was in the wrong to everyone but me. Chief really didn’t like it when I pointed out to him that everyone in the tent outranks him but one person. I guess, there is something about a 26 year old outranking him that really got his blood pressure up.

One of the unique things about being out here is that I share my tent with a guy named Richard, Jim and Eric. That is unique to me because my grandfathers name is Richard, my father’s name was Jim and my brother’s name is Eric. Even more ironic, I am currently working with a guy from Columbus, a girl from Grosse Point Farms and a guy from the metro Detroit area. That is unique because I live in Columbus, my aunt and uncle live in Grosse Point Farms, and I am from the metro Detroit area (ok…so it is way metro but it counts). Being all the way across the world in a third world country is odd but to have people around that I can talk to about home (all the places that I have lived) is truly unique.

One Month Down

I will never grasp the concept of time creeping slowly but moving fast. I have been gone for a month now and every day seems long but yet it has been a month and it barely feels like I left.

Today a couple of Marines left the SMU to go to a nearby base to set up supply operations. The Sergeant that I was talking to has been here two weeks and we have become friends. He told me that every time a convoy leaves Leatherneck and goes to this particular base, they get attacked. He told me that it is always a combination of IEDs and insurgent snipers. The past three have had some negative results for the Marines here. I asked him why he was going on the convoy instead of flying. The Sergeant told me that it was the only way to make sure that the supply items were going to get to where they needed to be. He didn’t even bat an eye at the fact that he knew within the next 72 hours he was going to be attacked. If it even fazed him that he may not be alive to see the end of next week, I will never know. It was a sobering moment. He is supposed to call me when he gets there so I can send more stuff his way. I pray that he does.

I turned down my real living quarters. The living space came with a bunch of ruled that I would rather do without and I declined the offer. I actually like my tent and everything it has to offer.

I have made my way over to the flight line several times since I have been here and I could sit all day and watch planes and helicopters come and go. You can always tell how things went on the mission based on how fast they are coming in. Most times it is easy going but at least once a day it is not and that is when that hard lump forms in your throat because you know something went wrong. Thankfully we haven’t had River City in over a week. River City is when communication goes down base wide because of a Marine death.

A generous donation was made to AAFES (the PX which means the store on base) on behalf of the Holstine Family for a new iPod touch. I wonder if I can write that off as a business expense. After a week without it, I thought I was going to go crazy. I never realized how much I enjoy listening to music while I work. Especially since my work can be very boring work that a trained monkey could do with the correct coloring of some buttons and a banana dispenser as a reward. For those psych majors that is called conditioning.

This week I played basketball with the Marines twice and I played decently. The first time we played there were 10 enlisted Marines, 1 officer and me. Well not one of the enlisted Marines wanted to guard the officer so somehow they thought I was qualified. The enlisted Marines especially liked it when I started talking trash to the officer while we were playing. The officer actually said he enjoyed playing with a civilian because it adds a new element and it brings a change of pace. Let’s just say this wasn’t the first time on this trip that I made an officer operate outside of the established military element. It won’t be the last either.

Another gift made its way into my possession via the USMC. This one I can’t discuss but it is similar to the first….but very different. There are benefits to working in the supply field. We get first crack at all the good stuff :)

I forgot what it was like to come in when the sun is coming up and leave when it is going down. I have no idea how I did this in college. It has been 30 days straight of 12 hour days and the days truly do blend together. I actually look forward to sleep more than anything.

I went over to the Danes PX and made a purchase for myself and my father-in-law…now I just have to figure out a way to ship them home so that the package actually makes it to its destination. Hopefully the US embargo with a tiny island country to our south will end one day so I don’t have to tread carefully through the system.

It has been very eye opening to read headlines versus what actually happens. I think I have lost faith in the news media in all forms. Yes Fox News, even you too. We get a paper called Stars and Stripes on base every day (it is typically a day or two behind) and when I read articles about what is supposedly going on in Afghanistan, I am utterly shocked. It is glaringly apparent that news nowadays is more commentary and speculation than actual news. Let me just clarify something for you, the way we are building on this base and over at Camp Bastion (the Brits), there is absolutely no way that we are leaving anytime soon. All the politicians and the voters can take that to the bank. If you have a plan to withdraw in a relatively short time frame, you don’t build real buildings or pour 12 inch thick foundations or keep making plans to expand the base. Those are just the things I can actually report while keeping my job.